2011年3月9日 星期三

A memorable day

  My most memorable day could be traced back to my childhood. I was in the third grade ofthe elementary school, and my family and I took a four-day trip to Mt. Al trip in the winter vacation. Because it was the first family trip in my memory, I was very excited about this journey. We took a bus to Chia-yi city and then took the mountain rail up the mountain. I could still remember that the train was in red and was steam-powered. The locomotive seemed awesome and looked like a monster to me. There were a lot of people at that time, and no seats were left empty. I enjoyed the view outside the window, and the scenery was magnificent. The train arrived at the halfway station in the afternoon, and we could get off the train for a while and took some pictures together with the beautiful sunset and clouds. Everytime I opened my photo album, I couldn't help retrospecting those unforgettable moments we had there. I guess nothing would substitute those sweet moments in my early childhood, and I should never forget that precious time.

10 則留言:

  1. 第二行ofthe elementary school
    →of the elementary school((這裡可寫可不寫
    第三行I was very excited的excited為vt.後面不加介系詞


    然後其他的都很棒欸:D

    回覆刪除
  2. 第二行of和the中間忘了空一格了

    and my family and I took a four-day trip to Mt. Al trip in the winter vacation.
    Mt. Al後面多一個trip

    第五行the train was in red 不用加in

    回覆刪除
  3. 作者已經移除這則留言。

    回覆刪除
  4. 第二行因為有兩個and感覺很奇怪
    如果改成
    My family and I took a four-day trip to Mt. Al in the winter vacation when I was in the third grade ofthe elementary school.
    句子應該會看起來比較漂亮

    還有我不懂為什麼你的阿里山後面又要再加一次trip@@

    Because it was the first family trip in my memory

    可以改成

    In my memory, it was the first time taht my family and i went on a trip. Therefore, I was very excited then.

    第六行
    in red不是在形容陳川什麼顏色的衣服嗎?
    我不太確定這樣可以說車是紅色的耶@@

    substitute這個字是叫做取代沒錯
    但我不知道它可不可以取代人以外的東西

    不過同意字有 take place of/in place of/take one't place 等等 我覺得句子裡有片語的點綴會更漂亮:)

    最後一行可以把should改成will比較沒有強迫性的感覺喔

    回覆刪除
  5. ofthe-->忘了分開
    Everytime I opened my photo album, I couldn't help retrospecting those unforgettable moments we had there.
    這句的前面可以在加一些東西喔
    感覺跳的有點快
    然後主題句真的寫的很棒~有吸引人看下去的感覺

    回覆刪除
  6. took the mountain rail up the mountain
    這裡的take up是一個片語嗎?是甚麼意思阿???
    應為我查到的是開始從事的意思~
    如果他是一個片語...
    那可以改成took up the mountain rail
    可能比較好...因為原本的看不太出是片語!!

    in red 有一點怪...但是紅火車的意思八!!!
    但寫成red train可能比較不會有看不懂的情況!

    and no seats were left (empty)可省

    magnificent是華麗的意思~我不知道能不能形容風景!!!

    情節交代的很清楚!有身歷其境的感覺~
    又有形容老火車的懷舊感~對於記憶的描寫很詳盡喔=)

    回覆刪除
  7. winter vacation 我記得老師好像說過前面有修飾winter才加the

    like a monster to me. for me 吧 ??

    There were a lot of people at that time,
    A lot of 可以改成 plenty of 更好 :)

    and no seats were left empty.可以不用left

    moments what we had there.

    I guess nothing would ~guessed要用過去式喔

    回覆刪除
  8. My most memorable day could be traced back to my childhood. 開頭還不錯呢~有看故事的感覺

    We took a bus to Chia-yi city and then took the mountain rail up the mountain.

    改成We took a bus to Chia-yi city and then went to the mountaintop by rail.

    I could still remember that the train was in red

    不用加in

    and we could get off the train for a while and took some pictures together with the beautiful sunset and clouds.

    together with不知道可不可以這樣用
    可以改成took some pictures to record the beautiful sunset and clouds.

    回覆刪除
  9. and my family and I took a four-day trip to Mt. Al trip in the winter vacation.第二個trip應該就不用出來了吧,不然會有點冗詞贅字的感覺

    I couldn't help retrospecting those unforgettable moments we had there.後面的we有點奇怪,會變成是主詞跟前面不一樣

    locomotive,magnificent....我覺得有用到以前學過的單字,學以致用,看了有一股熟悉的感覺,希望我自己也可以多利用以前學過的單字^^

    文章我覺得寫起來有一種溫馨的感覺,可是反而就少了點轉折的部分或者是讓人比較令人驚艷的部分,如果多家一點可以讓文章更加的棒喔^^

    回覆刪除
  10. my family and I took a four-day trip to Mt. Al trip in the winter vacation
    →my family and I took a four-day trip to travel Mt. Al in the winter vacation
    感覺比較不會饒舌~

    感覺整篇是很溫馨的感覺,也用了很多好的句子!
    很符合你網誌上的那張照片~
    >~<

    回覆刪除