Tom was a professional athlete and often won first prize. He was very
proud of himself. Unfortunately, he was hit by a truck and lost his right leg in
this accident. He had been in a state of deep depression and even thought
that his athletic career ended since he lost his leg. His family were sorry for
him and tried to cheer him up. To let his family rest assured, he decided to
brace his heart. By taking the rehabilitation treatment, Tom's leg became
better and he restored his self-confidence little by little. Finally, he returned to
the stadium and did not lose to the normal person. He was still a dazzling star
on the stadium because he did not give up himself.
第3句He had been in a state of deep depression and even thought that his athletic career would come to end since he lost his leg. 改這樣會不會比較順呢?然後做復健可以用By doing rehabilitation 應該就可以了~
回覆刪除Finally, he returned to
the stadium and did not lose to the normal person. 這句lose後面可以直接加normal person.
參考看看囉:D
標題感覺沒有跟你的結論句相符~
回覆刪除標題可以改改看~
就上面說的那樣囉~
回覆刪除句子之間再加上轉折詞會更好喔~
Tom's leg became better and he restored his self-confidence little by little.
回覆刪除這句好像怪怪的
不是截肢了嗎...
可以加一點中間的過程!!!
回覆刪除(受傷復健的部分)
讓版面更豐富~
謝謝妳給我的建議喔=)
sorry for 看要不要改成其他的詞會不會比較好
回覆刪除He was very proud of himself.->我覺得可以改成He prided himself on winning a number of championships.因為我覺得你可以在稍微說明一下不然感覺跟前面那一段沒有連接到
回覆刪除since he lost his leg->since he had lost his own two legs
His family were sorry for
him and tried to cheer him up.這句的意思感覺有點奇怪因為並不是他的家人造成他的腳受傷，我覺得可以改成His family felt regret to his injurey and tried hard to cheer him up .
Finally, he returned to
the stadium and did not lose to the normal person. He was still a dazzling star
on the stadium because he did not give up himself. 這兩句話連起來怪怪的，感覺跳的有點太快了，我覺得可以再加一句稍加說明
He had been in a state of deep depression and even thought
回覆刪除that his athletic career ended since he lost his leg.
可以改成
He had been in a state of deep depression and even thought
that his athletic career will end because of the losing leg.
我覺得little by little可以改step by step 或gradually 會不會比較好 :)
1.ended since he lost his leg 有since 那要不要加have阿
回覆刪除2.Tom was a professional athlete and often won first prize 要不要把and改成who 句字會比較漂亮
3.His family were sorry for him and tried to cheer him up. 感覺文意不太對因為不是他家人撞到的 雖然我知道Tom的家人或許想撞 但用sorry怪怪的 要不要用worry呢擔憂他
4.Tom's leg became better 要不要寫他腳的狀況變好呢還有如林爾雅所說應該前面不要用截支用受傷
開頭可以在多家描述TOM的事情
回覆刪除直接進入事件有點突然
而且字數可以打多一點:D
然後第四行的ended前面是否要加had?
同樣也是第四行的最後
可以改成"his family were soory for hearing this bad nwes"這類的
因為你這樣打好像是他家人對不起他感覺@@"
第一行and often won first prize的oftne 改成used to可能比較好
回覆刪除第三行His family were sorry for
him 可以寫 his family were a lingering sense of guilt for him