My name is Jing-yi Shao. Born in a family with a harmonious atmosphere, I have six members in my family, including my parents, my sister, my brother, and me. My father, a factory worker, works hard to support our family. Unfortunately, my father lost all of his right hand’s fingers when he was working, but he was not disappointed at all. Since I was little, my father has held a positive attitude toward everything and been humorous. Taking this accident for example, he wasn’t defeated by it and even made fun of his hand to let us feel relieved. Therefore, when facing obstacles, I tend to look on the bright side and try to deal with them. My mother is also a factory worker. She always asks us to study hard and esteems all my decisions. Thanks for what my mother did, I know that knowledge is important and become more independent. Maybe my family is not perfect in every aspect, but I am very content with what I have now. I love my family very much.
I have six members in my family, including my parents, my sister, my brother, and me.
回覆刪除-->家裡有誰應該不用還特別寫出來,可以換成簡單一句和家人相處的情況帶過就好
Taking this accident for example, he wasn’t defeated by it and even made fun of his hand to let us feel relieved.
這兩句者主詞不同不能用分詞構句唷
Thanks for what my mother did
後面突然用過去式 我不知道要不要改成 Thanks for what my mother has done
Born in a family with a harmonious atmosphere, I have six members in my family, including my parents, my sister, my brother, and me.
回覆刪除這句好長阿~~~~~ 直接寫你家有幾個人就好啦^^
其他的還不錯喔:))
我覺得很好=)))
回覆刪除不過可以多加一些小時候特別的經驗~
像是生日時父親加班...
卻特別打電話(舉例)...
這樣會加強文章的豐富性喔=)))
esteems all my decisions // exteem 不是這麼用的吧
回覆刪除其他還不錯喽
如果要增加的話 你可以多寫你和其他兄弟姊妹們的互動 彼此的影響 等等