2011年6月1日 星期三

Discussing Cause - 2 ( Out of Business )

  On September 5, Michael Williams opened a small music store selling compact discs, but on December 19, Mr. Williams closed his shop. He put a sign on the door that said “Out of Business.”  There were some reasons for which Williams’ shop was out of business.  The main reason was that the store was located next lobby on the ground floor of Fairfax Apartment Building which was not only on a small side street just outside of the town, but also three miles away from a shopping center that has two large music stores.  Another reason was that most of the CDs were hip-hop and rock, but the residents of the Fairfax almost aged from 51 to 60; they might not be interested in hip-hop and rock.  The operating hours was another reason that the shop closed. It was open Monday to Friday from 1 to 5 p.m., but the number of people walking past the store was concentrated on the weekend. Finally, Mr. Williams would not accept checks or credit cards, which inconvenienced consumers too much.  It is for all these reasons and more that I think the business failed.

9 則留言:

  1. The main reason was that the store was located ~center that has two large music stores.
    這句後面的that has two large music stores.
    因為感覺沒什麼關悉~可以省略=)

    operating hours
    用opening hours感覺比較好~

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  2. The operating hours was another reason that the shop closed.
    //The operating hours was another reason that result in the shop closed.

    是一篇規矩的文章喽!

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  3. but on December 19, Mr. Williams closed his shop. He put a sign on the door that said “Out of Business.” 這兩句我覺得挑其中一句寫就可以了喔~不然我覺得會有種畫蛇添竹的感覺XD

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  4. 第二行的Mr. Williams 前面已經寫過了 這裡可以換成he

    He put a sign on the door that said “Out of Business.” 這句感覺像是多出來的...

    其他的沒什麼錯誤 是說整篇都是用類似 the reason was... 這種句型 可以換一下

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  5. The operating hours was another reason that the shop closed.
    -->The operating hours was another reason that made the shop close.

    was another reason ~~這幾點都一直用reason!建議可以改成moreover這種轉折辭~
    其他都還不錯

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  6. 開頭可以嘗試有趣一點的方式
    或是自己想一個情境在套進去
    因為我發現你好像都不太知道怎麼開頭喔@@~

    concentrated on 通常是指精神,注意力等的集中喔~所以建議換別的字:>

    我喜歡你列點的順序
    感覺出來很有邏輯然後慢慢有寫作的概念囉!:D

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  7. 甩一甩~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(大叫+跑走XD

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  8. There were some reasons for which Williams’ shop was out of business.which-->why會比較好喔

    the store was located next lobby
    next後面要+to喔~

    這句太長了唷 The main reason was that the store was located next lobby on the ground floor of Fairfax Apartment Building which was not only on a small side street just outside of the town, but also three miles away from a shopping center that has two large music stores.可以分段一下~

    The operating hours was another reason that the shop closed.-->was closed

    It was open Monday to Friday from 1 to 5 p.m.,
    Monday前面可以+during
    然後論點不夠有力喔 可以再多+一些自己的想法
    盡量不要只照著給的數據寫作文唷~o__<

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  9. The main reason was that the store was located next lobby on the ground floor of Fairfax Apartment Building which was not only on a small side street just outside of the town, but also three miles away from a shopping center that has two large music stores.
    這一段好像
    有點太長了:>

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