2011年5月18日 星期三

Contrasting - 2


  I would hire Lynn Whitnall for this job. First, although Lynn Whitnall has less education about English, she still had been the English instructor, so I think she has enough professional knowledge to take this job. Second, her experience is less than Debra Fines, but I think it is enough. Third, Lynn Whitnall is fluent in more languages than Debra Fines. Finally, she had got the Excellent in Teaching Award in 2004, but Debra Fines hadn't. So, I consider that she can teach better than Debra Fines. To sum, maybe Debra Fines knows more than Lynn Whitnall, but  I think teaching ways is of central importance. Thus, I choose Lynn Whitnall to be the English instructor.
張貼者： 於

8 則留言:

  1. 惠芳2011年5月19日 清晨6:10

    I would hire Lynn Whitnall for this job.
    開頭有點太突然了!
    可以加一些故事背景~

    因為是比較...所以要加上另一個人的部分喔~
    First, although Lynn Whitnall has less education about English, ~ to take this job.
    這句沒提到Debra喔!!!

    Second, her experience is less than Debra Fines, but I think it is enough.
    這句的後面有點怪...
    Second, her social experience is less than Debra Fines,(but her teaching experience is good enough to show her profession.)

    So放句首不好喔=)
    這個是vera以前跟我說的喔XD
    可用therefore...代替~

    句子很豐富~
    有把想法加在裡面!!!
    很不錯喔~

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  2. 珍儀2011年5月22日 晚上10:29

    一開始就直接進入主題似乎太快了~
    Finally, she had got the Excellent in Teaching Award in 2004, but Debra Fines hadn't
    我覺得可以用過去式就好
    To sum
    -->to sum up

    but I think teaching ways is of central importance.
    is-->are

    contrasting的文章是不是要用while.in contast.unlike這些講義上的詞呀
    因為都沒有看到
    幾乎每一點都是比較級,如果可以用別的句型來敘述會比較多變

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  3. 佳穎2011年5月25日 晚上11:40

    開頭有點接的太快呢
    可以加幾句來修飾
    然後To sum要+up～
    還有阿~我建議你的支持句可以多加一點喔 這樣內容會比較豐富(>_<)

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  4. 椿茱2011年5月28日 晚上7:50

    開頭可以先說明 你為甚麼要做這件事 ex: 幫學校找老師或...
    中間的敘述可以多加一些修飾或其他句型呢, 會更豐富喔:D
    to sum up :D

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  5. XUAN (13)2011年5月29日 清晨6:34

    開頭有點倉卒
    而且不是每個讀者都知道你在講什麼
    使得整篇文章一開始就扣分唷

    has less education about English
    這句感覺有點像是中文的寫法
    你應該說他的教育水準比較低

    she still had been the English instructor
    這句的文法怪怪的而且沒有連接詞喔

    Second, her experience is less than Debra Fines, but I think it is enough
    這句話有衝突
    你應該要提好的方面的不要講壞的XD
    你可以說他工作過的經驗正是你要的

    不要因為時間太趕生不出文章就倉促打一打喔~
    因為看的出來XD
    加油:DD

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  6. 爾雅2011年5月29日 清晨7:50

    忘了說這是什麼工作..
    文章有點短耶
    可以多寫一些選擇 Lynn 的理由

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  7. 玲儀2011年6月1日 晚上11:42

    I would hire Lynn Whitnall for this job.
    >>>挺不錯的一開始就用開門見山法
    讓讀者想知道為什麼

    First, although Lynn Whitnall has less education about English, she still had been the English instructor, so I think she has enough professional knowledge to take this job.
    >>>時態要一致吧!!前句has 後句是had
    有點怪怪的

    可以多寫些有關此人的動機

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  8. 曉芸2011年6月11日 凌晨12:42

    First, although Lynn Whitnall has less education about English(這句話有點怪怪的~用法可能要改一下比較好><)
    To sum, maybe Debra Fines knows more than Lynn Whitnall(應該是to sum up XD)
    文章的節奏看似很快~
    但是不夠有力的論點及說明~
    會讓讀者有點措手不及喔!!

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