2011年4月13日 星期三
Describing A Person
My sister got lost when we took a trip here. Please help me to find her. We are really worried about her. She is a short and plump little girl and just eight years old. Besides, her hair is blond, short, and a little curly and her eyes are big. Also, she wear glasses and her glasses' color is purple. She has dimples on her cheeks. And you can recognize her immediately by a obvious scar on her right calf. Above all, the last time I saw her was in this square on April 14 and she was dressed in a red dress which has a yellow flower on it. If you find her, please contact me and my number is 061234567. Thanks for your help.
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整篇文章的and有點多
回覆刪除第二行可以說
she is a short and plump girl at the age of 8. 你的little girl跟just 8 years old有點贅詞摟
然後第三行的blond少拼一個e
blonde (女) blond(男) 這要注意喔!
第三行的最後wear少一個s
第四行的青春痘是不是拼錯了?
你是要拼pimples嗎@@?
倒數第二行的on it是多出來的
加油~:D
第一行 Please help me to find her.
回覆刪除不用to吧.....
對於人物特徵的敘述好詳盡阿~
沒提到名字呢
回覆刪除這篇好多and唷
感覺上一直不停的and.and.and....
整篇敘述多一點不同的句型會比較好看
My sister got lost when we took a trip here.要把地點寫出來唷
回覆刪除she wear glasses and her glasses' color is purple. wear要加s喔 然後這句有私心XDXDD(笑
第二行 She is a short and plump little girl and just eight years old.
回覆刪除→ She is a short, plump little girl who is just eight years old.
第三行 her hair is blond, short, a little curly, and her eyes are big.
her glasses' color is purple
應該是鏡框有顏色吧
the color of her glasses frame is purple
April 14 不知道對不對 印象中好像是 14 April
AND有點多呢~加些其他的連接詞可能會讓整篇文章感覺起來比較順喔~
回覆刪除the last time I saw her was in this square=>我覺得地點可以再稍微詳述一下~因為這張尋人啟事也可能放在其他地方~寫一下比較保險喔=ˇ=
Please help me to find her. We are really worried about her.我覺得這兩句可以倒過來寫喔~感覺會比較順一點也合乎常理一些=>We are really worried about her and please help me to find her.
人物的特徵描寫得很詳細喔~感覺她的整個形象都會浮現在眼前的感覺~
恩! and有點多! 可以改成其他的連接詞
回覆刪除痘痘拼錯了 !
形容的部分很不錯!!!
回覆刪除但是地方的線索太少了!!!
可以細說地點加深找到的機會~
或加上獎勵等等...