2011年4月27日 星期三

Comparing - ﹝2﹞

  John Adams and Thomas Jefferson were both important Americans in history; moreover, they were similar in many ways. First of all, John Adams was a delegate to the Continental Congress and so was Thomas Jefferson. They also played a crucial role in America Revolution. In addition, John Adams was a signer of Declaration of Independence. Similarly, Thomas Jefferson was a signer of Declaration of Independence. They studied and practiced the same law. Finally, both of them had been presidents of United States.  John Adams was the second president and Thomas Jefferson was the third president. Then, they both died on July 4, 1826.  

9 則留言:

  1. 好像沒有結束的句子唷~

    其他好像沒問題唷~~~~

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  2. Similarly, Thomas Jefferson was a signer of Declaration of Independence. 這句話也跟上一句重複了
    你可以看你下面那一偏我給你的回覆~

    John Adams was the second president and Thomas Jefferson was the third president.

    第二個president可以換成one哦

    最後可以用簡單的一兩句話作結

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  3. John Adams and Thomas Jefferson were both important Americans in history; moreover, they were similar in many ways.
    in history 可以在前面加 America
    這樣會更貼近一些! :>

    John Adams was the second president and Thomas Jefferson was the third president.
    連接兩個不一樣的可以試試看用while
    John Adams was the second president while Thomas
    Jefferson was the third presient.

    Then, they both died on July 4, 1826.
    Then放在文章的最後感覺怪怪的
    好像還有東西沒有說
    可以用 in conclusion/lately 最後;總之

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  4. They studied and practiced the same law.
    這句看起來好像是說「一樣的法律」
    They both studied and practiced law.

    Then, they both died on July 4, 1826.
    這句用then好像還有後文~
    可以用Sadly看看!!!

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  5. 作者已經移除這則留言。

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  6. John Adams was the second president and Thomas Jefferson was the third president. 後面要,too喔
    然後最後一句有點倉促作結~

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  7. 整體來說是ok的~
    只是最後結尾的部分藥劑的加上結論句喔~
    才能真正地讓文章有完整性喔!!

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  8. 文章沒什麼問題
    不過很快的講完了,讓我覺得有些倉促
    在加一句更完整的話當作結論句吧!

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  9. 結尾的地方似乎要再加以敘述,
    感覺有點昌促!
    可以說他們都是造就美國偉大的人們~
    之類的...

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